[This was a tape of me telling funny stories at dinner.  My guess it was probably 1987 before I relocated to Kansas City.  Most of this is a visit between my brother Ed and some talking to my brother Jim (who was thoughtful enough to tape it.  Matt McGuire, October 2010.]

 

[NOTE: Transcriptionist has not identified speakers.]

 

[Matt McGuire speaking] I have [don’t] athletic prowess, so I did something stupid like a marathon cause I was [not] training adequately.  And, then I finished in, you know, within the last nine or ten people.  I’m usually within the last ten finishing every run. 

 

What’s your blood pressure? 

 

106 over 70.

 

Wow.

 

Resting.

 

After 10 miles.  Geez.

 

Yeah.  I know you’re jealous now, that’s how I find out.  Resting pulse rate.  Okay, come on, buddy.  Resting pulse.

 

[inaudible] took my pulse, he thought I was dead.

 

Fifty-six.  You know what I mean?  Basal metabolic rate.  What that means is I look at stuff in the bakery case and I get fat.

 

[laughter]

 

Got some food coming your way.  This millennium or the next?  Had it come on now.  Ate breakfast, you’d fix yourself up for the next two or three weeks.

 

Happens to me occasionally, just comes over me.

 

And, an undefeated boxer at that, too.  Two fights in his career.

 

The second fight, I took boxing, I was still on that macho thing, boy.

 

Oh, no, no … oh, oh, you’re talking about …

 

Kids took boxing lessons for six months.

 

Oh, yeah.

 

[Edward McGuire speaking] Matt had a fight with him the first time kinda dancing around.  Matthew and [inaudible] in the nose, blood pouring down.

 

Well, I remember, I think it was you or Ed or Dad that [said] hit him in the face.

 

Does that sound familiar – any kind of ring to that?

 

He said hit ‘em.  Hit ‘em as hard as you can.

 

Yeah, hit ‘em in the face. 

 

[Matt McGuire speaking] And hit ‘em in the nose, if you can.  So, I, you know, I get into a fight and, you know, fighting’s real strange thing.  You get hit in the face and, and, you know, you don’t really feel anything.  Just keep on going for the nose, you know [people bleed the fastest from there] [inaudible] [until you] see [your opponent’s] blood all over themselves.

 

They were, they were one-punch fights.  Cause I watched ‘em both.

 

Grown up fighting.

 

Kids dancing around and Matt throwing a roundhouse punch hit the guy right in the nose, he starts to bleed.

 

When you get in a fight with – cause some people you’re really afraid of, which I was, you know, deathly afraid of .

 

And, then there was this guy I went to school with, why are you bothering me, you know.  Get away from me and this kid would come up and start hitting, you know, wham, you know.  Ouch, that’d be it.  The guy took boxing lessons for a year, he says I took boxing lessons for a year, I said, so what, I don’t care.

 

You’re a turkey, you know, you’re a yo-yo, you don’t know it, you are.  Right in the face again, blood all over the place, you know.  He hit me in the face.  Took boxing in college.  You know and we’re boxing around, you know, we’re throwing punches and, you know, watching our footing, that kind of – for phys ed.  And, this guys says, why don’t we get in the ring and, and, uh, box around.  Seems like a good idea to me.  So, we get in the ring, taped, gloves, and put Vaseline on our face and, uh …

 

What’s the Vaseline for?

 

… so, so, when the …

 

Gloves slide.

 

So, they slide?

Yeah, so it doesn’t cut.

 

Oh.

 

So, we get into the ring and, you know, I figure – and, and the guy who’s teaching us is this former boxer and he’s a little punch drunk all the time so, he’s doing it.  So, I get into the ring and, uh, they ring the bell and, [inaudible].  I felt like I was train stop for a train, wham, wham, wham, the guy’s hitting me in the face and I thought, wow, this is great.  Blam, blam, blam, I mean and he’s going to try out for welterweight.  And, he’s hit me like about 15 times, I feel like a dummy, so I start hitting him, you know, and then the people are cheering and their animal instincts are going, you know, they’re yelling and screaming.  I figure, you know, I don’t know what I’m doing.  And, then my arm feel[s] like spaghetti.  You know.  I mean, I said, I’m really tough, you know like this.  I feel like, what a guy.  That’s what my arm felt like.  It’s gone, it’s had it.  It’s like running, you get to the [twenty-] sixth mile, your legs are spaghetti, you know.  Feel you’re a leaping lily pad instead of running.  It’s tough.  And, then, that was it, that’s when I departed the martial arts.  That was it.  Goodbye, see ya.

 

End of phys ed.

 

End of phys ed.  And, then I got into running.

 

You got into what?

 

Running.  Archibald Glover Park [walking path in northwest D.C.]..

 

I didn’t know you started there.

 

Actually, I started with Ed and Charlie Babin.

 

That’s right Babin.

 

And, uh, Ed and Charlie and I … I would run two miles and Charlie was amazed that someone as fat as I could run two miles.  And, it would be – you know, at that time, to be a macho guy, you run in full sweats in the summertime.  Stupid.  I mean, you know, you could, I mean you could wring me out when I finished.

 

You had good endurance.  Very good endurance.

 

You kept on going, you know.

 

Matt finish?  About two and one-half hours.

 

He’s still going on.  A little bit slow, but ...

 

I’m happy to say my running speed has been the same ever since.

[inaudible]

 

Yeah, he does.

 

Now, I do.

 

Ed, Ed ran with me in my salad days when I was young.  I try to be nice to Ed, you know.  You know, not trying to show off or be overly, you know, anything else, and since Ed, of course, can run rings around me.  I went out to the track and ran around with him.  Oh, I was running about four, five miles a day.  [inaudible]

 

[Ed McGuire speaking] You were running better than that.  I think you run seven and something, sevens and high sixes [minute miles].  I was running eight so he was disappearing.

 

[inaudible]

 

Ever run with Jim?   Ever do any sports with Jim?

 

Yes, as a matter of fact.

 

I mean, whatever game you’re playing, he’s playing a different one, you know.  But, he’s been up ‘til 3 o’clock in the morning studying.  Total focus concentration.  Ever see these guys watch T.V.?  Ever see that?  You’ve seen your father watch T.V.  Ed, Ed, Ed ...

 

I’m from the [inaudible]. Not from [inaudible], I’m from here.  Ed, I need your attention.  Sits watching T.V.

 

You always have my attention.

 

Jim, Jim, Jim.  What?  What?

 

Uh, Jim, would you like to go out, would you like to go out to eat?  Jim.  Get the same thing again.  The best, the best – I mean we’re talking about total focus.  You see these two people playing squash.  I didn’t know if I’d get that much energy up for anything in my lifetime.  We’re talking about focus.  We’re talking about the world series, you know, two outs [3 balls, 2 strikes], three men on, tied score, all the time.  You wanta compete with that?  Forget it, you know.  Play Ed basketball, you’re in the Olympics, buddy, you don’t have to go there, you’re there already.  You’re – so you get close – you think he likes to lose?  Forget it.  Forget it. 

 

Your, your best basketball score ...

 

That’s was with Tony, wasn’t it?

 

[Edward McGuire talking] ... was with Tony [a close friend of Ed’s, Tony Capuana]  Tony and I are playing – Tony stayed at the house and everyday, Jim, Tony and I were going out and shooting hoops and we’re getting, we’re getting better cause we’re shooting everyday and playing different games and Matt was – called Matt up and I said, Matt, why don’t you come on over and shoot some hoops.  So, he said fine.  And, uh, when do you go out and play?  I said, we’re playing every other day.  So, he called up – one time, he called up and Tony answered the phone and he said, are you guys playing some basketball tonight?  Tony said, yeah.  And, Matt says to Tony, he says, well, you better be, uh – you better really be prepared.  He said, I don’t wanta make you guys look silly.  He says, I’m great, I hope you, I hope you can hit the basket, do something, because you guys are gonna be embarrassed when I get there.  So, I come home from – I come home from work and Tony’s there and he says, gee, your brother called up and he said I’m gonna be embarrassed if I play with him, so he says, is he really good?  Is he playing in college?  Play some pro, semi-pro or what?  I said, well, we’ll see when we get together on the basketball court.  Tony said, well, really, now, I don’t want to look silly, I, I was good with playing these guys, but I, I hate to look foolish in front of your brother.  Is he really gonna be that good that I’m gonna be embarrassed?  Just wait and see, we’ll get to the court.  So, we get to the court and Matt comes talks the same whole game, the first thing – four things he throws, don’t even hit the backboard, the hoop.

 

Total surprise.

 

So, Tony says, geez, I thought your brother was really gonna be professional star.  The way he talked. 

 

Tony’s shooting two-handed from, uh, more than half court and getting them in, you know.

 

[Matt McGuire talking] I remember when Ed came back from the underwater demolition team in the Navy.  I mean, this guy could run, he had all his muscle definition down, but I had been practicing [oddball shots just to stump Ed] [inaudible].  He came, he came and played basketball with me.  He thought he was gonna die of apoplexy on the spot.  I mean, up behind and over the head, not looking, you know, give me the ball at half-court, I’d shoot from there. 

 

We get to South Dakota and we look out on the beautiful Black Hills – saw the sunset over them and Mandy [my daughter] came out and looked out and said McDonald’s.  The golden arches were down there.  I felt like writing those guys a letter, I mean, [inaudible], she’s two.  You know, when she’s sixteen.

 

Who says she’s gonna think about McDonald’s?

 

They really are black [the Black Hills].

 

The pine trees.  [Actually, dark green, but look black.]

 

We should have had a recorder on then.  Was absolutely hilarious.

 

Well, we do. 

 

Funny different perspectives, though, isn’t it?

 

Yeah, it really is amazing the perspectives.

 

And, Eddie telling the stories of coming in from a date and your mother would always be up – always, always, always.  No matter what time it was.  He’d think he was sneaking down, I don’t know where he came in, but he’d always take his shoes off, be so quiet and inevitably mother would always, always know when he came in.  He didn’t want to talk about [the date] to her – was a little bit ruffled, you know. 

 

He’d always have something to eat.

 

Oh.

 

So, my mother would come up – can I get you something, dear?  [laughter] And, he’d say, no.  How was the date?  Fine.  How were things?  Who was there?  Lot of people.  Yeah, I’ve had four or five word days with Ed, you know.  What’s the fifth one gonna be, Ed?  Can’t wait, can’t wait.  Let me get set up for it before you give it to me. 

 

Eddie says the same thing about you.

 

What?

 

We were just talking about that today.

 

What?

 

He said the same thing about you.

 

He did?

 

I said we should communicate better.

 

You might, you might think ...

 

I said, Jim doesn’t ...

 

Jim, Jim, a little bit less so, but occasionally.  A little bit less so.  A little bit more talk or a little bit less ...

 

No, no, a little bit less often that you were four or five words, so – and Barbara, Barbara will tell you that I have – Barbara will tell you that, as incredible as it may seem, that I have days that I’m not talking.  True Barbara?  As a matter of fact, I went into ...

 

Barbara says there are days when I don’t wanta talk to you either, right?

 

I don’t know. 

 

I went backpacking, uh, into the Massanutten Mountains [Virginia] with a friend of mine and I was talking like a magpie going in and we went in for three days and about the third, it was like: Matt?  Yeah.  Wanta have breakfast?  Yeah.  Then I’d eat breakfast in silence.  Is the sun up?  Yeah.  And, we’d go walking, you know, and that’d be it and I didn’t say anything to him for another 12 hours.  And, he’d say, uh, are you upset or anything?  I’d say, no.  No.  You haven’t been talking too much.  I say really?  But, I’d just – it was the time.  How can people go out into the woods and, you know, get, you know, like forest and the trees, you know, how stupid.  Really idiotic, you know.  Two days out there, I was the leaves.  Me and them, we were pals.  I went by every tree, I put my arm around it. 

 

Let me give you Klamath nod.  I brought it down for you this week to – being as I was going through this stuff. 

 

We were friends.  Then we drove in his truck out of there after three days, backpacking in, getting our water on the way.  I thought I was in a rocket ship, I mean the things going 55 miles an hour and I wasn’t.  Strange stuff.

 

Wonderful man.  Jesus.

 

Strange stuff.

 

How long ago was this?

 

A long time ago.  Long, long ago and far, far away.  It was a while ago, this is my friend in Austin, Texas.  That’s why I like Texas.

 

David? 

 

My friend Russell Ramirez.  My friend David Shin is now – no, he used to be in Dallas, now he’s in L.A. [and now in Pittsburg, CA].

 

So, you gonna hook up with him when you go to Kansas City?

 

Well, I hope – if I go to Kansas City, they have a lot of business in Texas, so I hope to visit Austin frequently.

 

Good.

But, I think Kansas City is the next Austin, hopefully.  Cause it’s not discovered yet. 

 

Kansas City’s a fun town.

 

[singing]  Pass me by ...

 

[food being shared]

 

Where’s Mary Ann, give her a mince pie.

 

I don’t think we need to get anything over here.  This is not one of my favorites. 

 

A little bit of competitiveness.

 

No, not at all.  It’s like rutabaga.

 

We’re sharing.  The first thing Erin said was, no charity.  No charity.

 

[discussion about food and eating and chatter]

 

Well, the only cape I remember was Cape Cod [Massachusetts].  I remember you and Penny and Linda – Revere Beach [Massachusetts].

 

We, my mother always said, if you don’t go to the beach to get on the beach, you go to the beach to sit on the steps [inaudible].  Way, way, way back.

 

Yeah, that’s right. 

 

Where the other toe was.

 

And, she, uh, I remember, she always, uh,  took the bottles of salt water for her, uh, for her mother. 

 

Yeah.

 

I remember it vividly. 

 

It was fun.

 

The beach was nice and apparently still is nice [Revere Beach, MA].

 

Now they have all condos.

 

Looking back, I mean, it was a nice beach.

 

[Matt McGuire talking] I remember the steps down to the beach and a nice beach.  And, then when I was at Boston College, uh, your mother was there and she used to help me with books.  She couldn’t help me with the teacher who gave me a “C” in, in the grade, but that was math again. 

 

So, what’s your favorite subject?

 

I timed that to ask – you put him off one. 

 

What do you like?

 

You would think that she hated everything.  One never knows.

 

Is there anything you don’t like, do you like it all equally?

 

Another history major.  We’re populating the world with history majors.  I still read history books now.  I’m reading a history book on the history of the – I read a 800 page book on the history of the, uh, Russian front in World War II the Road to Stalingrad].

 

[inaudible] we went to [inaudible] library, a children’s library, we walk out with, uh, “See Spot Run,” “[inaudible] First Christmas.”

 

Oh, Barbara, you shouldn’t say that.  “The Vikings” …

 

The Vikings.

 

Great books. 

 

A picture book of the Soviet Union.

 

A picture book of the Soviet Union and also a picture book of, uh, the Netherlands, and Dan’s in the Netherlands.

 

Do you know where “by” from by-laws comes from?  Comes from the, uh, Viking word from – for local.  [background chatter]

 

I missed that.

 

The Viking word for local is by – so by-laws mean local laws. 

 

Do you like math?

 

How about a game of cribbage?

 

One game?

 

How about a game of dominos?

 

Don’t play dumb.  One game of cribbage.

 

One game of each.

 

[Me, Matt McGuire, talking about playing games with Jim McGuire] You know if I play dominos so good that he played me some Japanese game, I never heard of, you know.  And, if I did that, it’d be a Korean game, you know.  If I did that it’d be a Tibetan game and then what is was, it’d be some game he knew better than I did.  And, then not only would I have disadvantage of his, his intensity being like [noise], you know, playing against him, but I have a game I didn’t understand in the first place and then I’m just playing to be polite, not to win. 

 

He told me that there was one game where your skill levels surpassed me completely.

 

What’s that?

 

The pinballs. 

 

Oh, yeah.

 

And, the time that we played pinballs, I had to come up with a new device, which was bet him what he couldn’t achieve for a ball.

 

Turned the Machese around [multiple replays 3-4].

 

Before the had digital scorers, they had a, they had a, uh, the scorekeeper would come up manually [a nice thwack sound].  And, I would turn the machine around back to zero again.  But, what you have to do is like Caddyshack, if it’s – be the ball.  Some people get Zen by going to various places.  I get Zen by going to the pinball machine.  Be the ball.  If you wanta win, you can win.  If you wanta win, you can win.  But, you can’t not wanta win, but you can wanta win. 

 

Wee Willy Wonka.

 

You still have to be there with it.  I’m glad I never took it to excess.
 

I’m glad, too.

 

Our trip to Chicago was, uh, I went on to a pinball convention of people who own pinball arcades that I, you know, traveled out there and back and played four days in a row, eight or nine hours a day at the pinball machines.  I consider just something, you know, you get better – you know, and I had respect.

 

Yeah.

I pretended to people that, uh, they’d say good graphics in this machine.  Yeah, I think I’ll get it for my arcade, wow.  And, then the machines hadn’t been played so many times, so you’d get an idea what a machine was like the first time you played it.  It’d hit one of those bumps, it’d go whoosh, you know, right out. 

 

A game of cribbage.

 

Let’s do it.

 

[chatter about cribbage playing]

 

Shall we do it in public? Yeah.  Is Ed going to count in his head or what?  [Keeping score for cribbage since we only had a two-handed board.]

 

[playing cribbage]

 

[END OF TAPE]